Valentine's Day jokes-Little Neil

Neil was just 3 years old when Valentine's Day came along. Knowing how much his mother Sue loved chocolates, he and his dad Peter gifted here a choco box with the shape of a heart.
Next morning, Neil could not help but eye the choco box hoping that he could get a piece to eat. As he touched one of the pieces, Sue said to him, "If you touch it, you got to eat it."

Neil's eyes lit up and he tapped all the chocos in the box and said, "I will have to eat 'em all now!"

The punk

Dan entered the Metro and immediately attracted attention. His hair was spiked and was dyed pink and blue. His clothes were torn. He was wearing his jeans way below the waist. He had a nose ring and several earrings. There were big feathers attached to a bandana that he was sporting.

Dan took a seat across from an old fella who keeps staring at him for a long time.

Agitated, Dan said, "What are you staring at, you old geezer, did you never do anythin wild in your youth?"

The old guy shot back, "Of course I did. I was on a sales trip to Bangkok and I did it to a parrot once. Looks like you are my son!"

Fussy customer

Mrs. Robbins, known to be extremely fussy, goes to D-Mart to buy some fresh fruits.

She says to the girl behind the counter, "I want three kilos of pears. Kindly wrap each pear separately in plastic.

The girl behind the counter silently fulfills the customer's demand.

The lady then checks some apples and says to the girl behind the counter, "I would also like to take 2 kilos of fresh apples. Please pack each apple separately in plastic."

Irritated, yet composed, the girl behind the counter obliges Mrs. Robbins again.

Mrs. Robbins, pointing her finger towards a basket inquires, "And what is there in that basket over that side?"

"Grapes", says the girl behind the counter, quickly adding, "but those are rotten!"

Girl in Casino

I witnessed this when I was with a friend in a casino in Goa.

This pretty Russian girl entered the casino and headed for the roulette table. She flashed a million dollar smile to the two Goan dealers and bet a million Indian rupees in a single spin.

She then purred in a soft voice, "Hope you guys don't object to this, but I get a high when I am betting and I prefer to play without my clothes." Saying this, she shed all her clothes.

The roulette wheel stopped at 17.

The Russian girl was thrilled and jumped screaming, "I won! God, is this my lucky day?!"

She collected the prize, picked up her clothes, hugged both the dealers and vanished.

The two dealers, still dazed by the event, looked at one another, until one of them asked in a squeaky voice, "Did you see what number she had bet on?"

"No, I didn't", said the other, "I thought you were alert!"

Dennis the Tomcat

Mr. Smith, neighbor to the Martins, found that their tomcat named Dennis was running all around the neighborhood, on footpaths, in dark alleys, on the rooftops. Mr. Smith called Mr. Martin and asked, "Is everything all right with your cat? He has been running around like crazy."

Mr. Martin replied, "Nothing to worry. Dennis has been neutered today, he must be running around cancelling appointments."

NatGeo enthusiasts

Two NatGeo enthusiasts, Gary and Robbie, were exploring the jungles, when a big tiger sprang out of the bushes in front of them.

Gary whispered to Robbie, "Stay calm! Don't move."

Robbie asked Gary if he remembered what they had seen about tigers on NatGeo. Gary replied, "Yes, I do. If you stand still and look the tiger in the eye, he will turn around and go away."

Robbie said, "Yes, I have seen it on NatGeo. You have seen it on NatGeo. But has the tiger seen it on NatGeo?"

Quest for fools

There was a ruler of a dynasty who called upon his deputy. When the deputy arrived, the ruler said to him, "I know there are lot of intelligent people in our kingdom. Similarly, there should also be no dearth of fools."

The deputy answered, "I am sure there would be many, sire."

The ruler then said, "I want you to search the kingdom and find me 5 such fools."

The deputy said he would, and left the ruler's court. The deputy was perplexed with the task of finding fools. He wondered how would he ever manage to catch hold of 5 fools.

The deputy returned to the court after four weeks and presented 2 men before the ruler.

The ruler said, "I think I wanted to see 5 fools. Why have you brought only 2 men?"

The deputy said, "Please let me explain, sire. I searched the length and breadth of the Kingdom. I found this fellow carrying a heavy bag of wheat on his head while he was seated in a mule-driven cart. When I asked him why he had not placed the bag on the cart, he replied that it would add to the mule's burden. I realized I had found the 5th candidate in the list of fools and brought him here."

The ruler said, "Good. What about the next guy?"

The deputy continued, "I found this other fellow feeding sweets to his cow so that it delivers sweet milk. I knew I had found the 4th candidate in the fools' list."

The ruler said, "All right. What about the other two fools?"

The deputy replied, "When there are so many social & economic problems to resolve in this kingdom, I am wasting my time looking for fools in this kingdom. Thereby, I am the 3rd fool."

The ruler laughed and said, "Ok, who is next?"

The deputy replied, "When our enemies are knocking at our doorstep,and instead of attending to security issues and issues related to the welfare of the people of this dynasty, you are looking out for fools, that makes you the 2nd candidate in the list of fools."

The entire court went into silence.

The ruler said, "You are right and I appreciate your courage. Tell me, who is the 1st fool?"

The deputy replied, "Sire, when there is so much work to finish at office and at home, the one who is reading this joke leaving aside everything else is the 1st fool!"