The trouble you got yourself into

Janie bought a new SIM card and the fist thought that came to her mind was to surprise her husband Jake. So Janie replaced the old SIM with the new one in her cellphone. She went to the bedroom and called Jake who was reading the newspaper in the living room.

"Hi Sweetheart!" she said, calling from the new number.

Jake replied in a hushed tone, "Can I call you back sweety. My wife is in the bedroom!"

Attractive package by Mehta travels

Mehta travels, a travel agency based in India, advertised an attractive package to enhance sales. They offered a free ticket for the spouse on the purchase of one ticket to Europe. Undoubtedly, the scheme was a huge success with men buying the package trip and sales multiplied.

When the scheme ended, Mehta travels sent letters to the wives asking for feedback on the vacation.

All of them replied, "What vacation?"

A rainy night

Anita is invited to her friend's place for dinner. Judy, the hostess, serves her a delicious dinner. Later, when Anita is ready to leave, it starts raining heavily. Judy invites her to stay over for the night and go home when the weather clears th next day. Anita agrees.

Anita settles down to watch TV while Judy goes up into the bedroom to help her kid go to sleep.

When Judy comes down, she finds Anita missing. While she was wondering where Anita had gone, the  doorbell rings. Its Anita at the door. Judy asks her blonde friend where she had been. Anita replies, "I went home to get my nightwear."

Hell's not so bad

Joe Fernandez was involved in a road accident and died. He realized he was in hell when he was approached by an attendant of the devil.

The attendant said, "Why are you looking so depressed?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "I died young. And then I land up in hell. Of course, I am depressed."

The attendant said, "It's not so bad out here. In fact, we have loads of fun. U like booze?"

"Yeah, I do," said Joe Fernandez.

The attendant said, "Tuesdays are booze days. We play rock music and drink beer all day."

Joe Fernandez said, "Sounds good to me."

The attendant asked, "Do you like to smoke?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "I do, yes"

The attendant said, "We get to smoke all we can on Thursdays. The finest cigars are available, we don't care about cancer, we ain't alive anyways."

Joe Fernandez said, "That's awesome!"

The attendant asked, "Do you like to gamble?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "I don't mind."

The attendant said, "Wait till you hear about Fridays. We get to gamble all day. Its smashing!"

Joe Fernandez exclaimed, "I can't believe it!"

The attendant asked, "Do you like to get high on narcot*cs?"

Joe Fernandez said, "Whoa! Man...the works."

The attendant said, "On Sundays, we all get high on weed. All sorts available. Take your pick!"

Joe Fernandez said, "Who would have thought hell is such a rockin' place!"

The attendant asked, "Are u g*y?"

Joe Fernandez replied, "No!"

The attendant said, "I don;t think you are gonna like Mondays."

Mary's birthday

Phil forgot his wife Mary's birthday and she was sure mad as hell.

Mary screamed at him ,"I can't believe this! After doing so much for you for all these years, how could you just forget my b'day?"

Phil replied, "Honey, its not my fault. You never seem to be getting any older. No wonder I forgot."

Mary's anger melted and she hugged Phil.

Phil winked at his refection in the mirror and thought to himself, "Thank God I could come up with this line and the timing was so right! Or else I would have had it today!!!"

Rock-hard bread

 Ronnie asked his friend Bubba, "Why do you have broken teeth?"

Bubba replied, "My wife gave me rock-hard bread."

Ronnie said, "Well, why didn't you just refuse to eat?"

Bubba sighed and replied, "She threw it at me!"

Bus ride

When Tony entered the bus, the only vacant seat he found was between an old lady and a pretty young girl. He took the seat, and was soon nodding off. In no time, he went into a deep slumber. When he woke up with a sudden jerk of the bus, he realized his head was resting on the old lady's lap. He quickly steadied himself and said, "Dear Lord, lead me not into temptation."

Tony dozed off and again and when he woke up this time, he found that his head was resting on the lap of the pretty young girl. Smiling, he said, "Oh Lord, let thy will be done..smyle it off & hv a gr8 day!"