Thursday, January 30, 2014

Home layout


An architect from Bangladesh was visiting India.

An Indian friend of his took him home and showed the Bangladeshi guy around the house.

"This is the living room," said the Indian guy. "This is the dining hall, this is the store room, this is the children's bedroom, this is the master bedroom, this is the kitchen, the bathroom, the lavatory" and so on...

The Bangadeshi architect commented, "I liked the layout".

The Indian friend asked, "So, what kind of layout do you have in Bangladeshi homes?"

The architect from Bangladesh replied, "Well, it's pretty much the same, only there are no partitions."

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Employment clause


When Tina returned from  a job interview, her boyfriend asked her how the interview went.

"Went well," said Tina, "but if I take up the job, I won't get a vacation until I get married."

Her boyfriend said, "Never heard of a clause like that! What exactly did they tell you?"

Tina replied, "The application read: 'Vacation cannot be taken until the candidate completes her First Anniversary.'"

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Adult jokes-Focus


Anna and Elsa are two Swedish maids who go to the market to get their photograph taken.

Anna asks Elsa, "Why is this guy looking at us in a strange way?"

Elsa said, "He needs to focus."

"Really?" says Anna, "but you tell him he should take the photograph first."

Monday, January 27, 2014

A favor!


The other day, I was jogging at Marine Drive in Mumbai, when I saw a parked car with a sticker saying "I miss Bihar".
(Bihar is the crime capital of India).

So i picked up a stone and broke the window, removed the stereo system, punctured the tyres and left a note saying "This should help!"

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Short funny jokes-Headache


Dan: How is your headache?

John: She is at her mother's.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Big boy

Adam and Dana were onbserving their new born baby boy.

"Look at the size of his thing, he sure is BIG!" said Adam.

Dana said to him in a consoling voice,"Yes sweetheart, but he does have your eyes."

Friday, January 24, 2014

Adult jokes-Loose character


Derick was on his first date with Gina who was known to be a "loose" character.

Once he parked his car, they indulged in foreplay and Gina seemed to like it.  As the heat was building up, he put his hand inside her knickers.

She seemed to be loving it, but suddenly cried, "Ahh, your ring is hurting me!"

Derick replied, "not my ring, that's my watch."

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Blonde jokes-Vac


Deborah, the busty blonde who was on vacation, sent home a postcard.

She writes: Hi folks, me having a great time. Where am I?

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Very funny jokes-Theft is same store


The cops, while investigating a theft in a readymade garments store, caught the thief and were interrogating him. They asked the thief why did he steal in the same store 4 times.

Bob the thief confessed that the first time he stole an expensive gown, he gifted it to his wife. He added, "You know how women are! I had to go back three times to change it!"

Monday, January 20, 2014

Funny jokes-Grudge

A British guy walks into a bar in Central London and before he could order his drink, he notices a Sikh man wearing a turban. Having a personal grudge against sardars, the British guy says loudly to the bartender to the advantage of everyone seated in the bar, "Drinks for everyone in here, except for the Sikh sardar over there."

The first round of drinks were served, and the Sikh guy gives him a smile, gestures to him saying, "Thank you!" in a loud voice.

The British guy is upset and again orders loudly to the bartender to serve another round of drinks to everyone except the Sardar.

The Sardar seems to be unruffled and he continues to smile, and yells back, "Thank you!"

The British guy is mad by now and asks the bartender, "What's wrong with this Sardar? I've insulted him by ordering drinks for everyone but him, and yet he smiles back and keeps thanking me. Has he lost his mind?"

"No, Sir," replies the bartender. "He is the owner of this place."

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Overgrown boy

Joke on MEN at the women's lib party:

How do you define Marriage? 

It's an eyewash involving the adoption of an overgrown boy whose parents can't handle him anymore!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Baywatch

The things that we have learnt from the popular series Baywatch:

1. The favorite pass-time in the US is running on the beach in slow-mo.

2. US citizens almost drown twice an hour.

3. In spite of the above tendency, CPR almost always helps and there are never any deaths.

4. If you are American, you are likely to introspect looking at the ocean for a long time after being told anything of significance.

5. Fat guys can't be relied on and are always scheming.

6. American girls have enormous assets that are given prominence with close-ups for long lasting screen shots.

7. In CA, there is greater probability of one getting kidnapped by jewellery robbers or by terrorists than drown.

8. All lifeguards who claim to be underprivileged, own flashy sports cars and beach homes.

Friday, January 17, 2014

Short funny jokes-Green dot

Teacher to students: Tell me what does the Green dot on Britannia Tiger Biscuit packet mean?

One student : It means that the Tiger is online....

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Very funny jokes-Swipe

Working at a small office in the countryside, I found my colleague Katy put a credit card into her floppy drive and then pulling it out in an instant.

Bewildered, I asked what was she up to.

Her answer gave me the creeps. Katy replied she was shopping on the net and the website was constantly asking for a credit card number, so she decided to "swipe" her card in the floppy drive.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Short funny jokes-Real sign of getting old!

Initial signs that indicate you are growing old.

Wrinkled skin? No.

Thick eyeglasses? No.

Hair loss? No.

The real sign is - When you begin to love your own wife.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Michelangelo's painting

Meera had planned a trip to Italy and decided to take her old gandma along as there was nobody to look after her while she was away.

When they visited the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling.

"Granny, do you know it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted."

"Sounds familiar", her grandma said. "He and I must have the same landlord."

Monday, January 13, 2014

Doctor jokes-Before the pain

A Swede doctor gives instructions to his patient.

Doctor: “It is of vital importance that you take this particular medicine right one hour before you get your pains.”

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Very funny jokes-Habits

The Indian groom says to his bride on the wedding night, "I want to confess that I had 15 love affairs before we got married."

The bride instead of getting upset, said brightly, "I knew it! When our horoscopes matched, I was sure our habits would also match!!"

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Zen question-Forest officers

Zen question
Where do forest officers go to "get away from it all"?

Friday, January 10, 2014

Adult jokes-That kinda guy

Derek was tired of working at a logging venue for what seemed to be like an eternity. So he decides to go to town and have some serious fun. He goes to a Bed and Breakfast place asks the owner, "Where do I go if I want a little fun around here?"

The owner answered, "There ain't no women for miles, but if you want it real bad, we have a Chinese cook."

"Hey, I'm not that kinda guy!" said Derek, and went away.

A week went by, and Derek was back to the owner's cabin. He said, "Lets suppose I opted for the Chinese cook, how many people would have to know about it?"

The owner replied "Hmm... there's me, there's you, him, that's six in all, we need three to hold him down - he's not that kinda guy either!!"

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Pun-Dead

Making fun of dead people is a grave mistake!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Really funny jokes-Beckham's holiday

Posh and Becks had taken a cab from Heathrow Airport to Central London.

"Where have you been?" asks the cabbie.

"New York," says Beckham. "We saw a show and did some shopping."

"Did you have any nice meals?" asks the cabbie.

"Yes, one really great one."

"What was the name of the restaurant?" asks the cabbie.

"Dunno. I can't remember. Name some big railway stations in London," says Beckham.

The cabbie begins: "Waterloo, Paddington, Victoria..."

Beckham interrupts excitedly: "That's it! Victoria, what was the name of that restaurant we went to?"

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Mother's day joke

On Mother's Day, there was a family get-together and everyone was having a great time around the dinner table.

Later, when the Mother of the family started to wash the dishes, her newly-married daughter, Emily came up to her and said with a lot of concern, "Hey Mom - please don't bother with the dishes. Today is Mother's Day and you can't be doing this, you can always do them tomorrow."

Monday, January 6, 2014

Football jokes-Coach

What is the main function of the Indian coach?

To transport the team from the hotel to the playground.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Really funny jokes-Good news for convict

Jerry Pinto, the lawyer pays a visit to his client on death row, and says to him, "I have some good news for you, George."

George, the client says, "What good news can there possibly be? You lost my case, I was convicted of a murder I did not commit, and I've been sentenced to die in the electric chair!"

Jerry Pinto, the lawyer says, "Yes, but I got the voltage reduced."

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Short funny jokes-Women’s lives

Women’s lives are healthier and more satisfactory compared to men.

Reason: Women don’t have wives!

Friday, January 3, 2014

Hilarious jokes-Tension

A man was suffering from insomnia and went to see a doctor. After a thorough checkup, the doctor declared, “The only remedy for this suffering is not to take tension with you when you go to bed.”

Patient replies, “That’s exactly what I have been telling my wife. But she is not prepared to use the guest room.”

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Ollie and Lena jokes

Doctor to Lena: “Madam, your husband is really critical. See that he remains in a good mood. Don’t make demands that trouble him, don’t discuss your problems, if any, with him. If you continue to follow all these instructions along with good homemade food, he is likely to survive.”

When Lena reached home, Ollie asked: “What was the report? What did the doctor say?”

Lena: “Oh, nothing much. There is little chance of your survival.”

Short funny jokes-Dumbest actress

Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress working on a movie?

A: She’s the one sleeping with the writer.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Really funny jokes-Catchy tune

Mike and his wife Dara were walking across Southsea Common one Sunday afternoon. In the bandstand the combo was playing a catchy sounding tune, and Dara said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is."

Mike noticed that there was a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the titles of the tunes they play. I'll go down and see."

A while later Mike returned and said to Dara, "It's one I don't know, it's called 'The Refrain from Spitting'."